It’s Never Too Late to Be a Communication Superstar
The Nonviolent Communication model can keep conflicts from developing.
Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication
A leading-edge model of human relating
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) was developed by Marshall Rosenberg.
NVC is a model of expression based on authenticity and compassion. It is featured on this site because we believe it to be the most effective communication model.
NVC teaches the relational skills of assertiveness and healthy boundaries. Even though it is based on compassionate communication it is not a model of “how to be nice” and therefore does not enable codependency. NVC is a clean and clear model that always leads with empathy but doesn’t have a sacrificial aspect that requires us to prioritize the needs of others at the expense of our own.
The NVC model is aligned with every skill featured on this site. The more you refine your relational skills, the more you will get the hang of this model. Conversely, the more you learn the elements of NVC the more it will increase your proficiency in each of those skills. You will be more assertive. You will find it easier to set limits as you strengthen your boundaries. You will get better at recognizing your triggers and modulating your emotional reactions. As you become a better listener you’ll develop your empathy. And last but not least, you’ll discover how to express your important message while leading with compassion.
The quickest way to learn Nonviolent Communication is to purchase this online training taught by Rosenberg himself. The in-depth course is an excellent option if you are unable to attend an in-person training.
(We receive no compensation for recommending this training option)
Online Nonviolent Communication Training – Sounds True
This is a self-paced comprehensive Nonviolent Communication online training.
It is an investment but only a fraction of what you would pay for the same training in person. The price includes lifetime access.
Introduction to Nonviolent Communication
The videos featured below offer a free opportunity to learn about Nonviolent Communication.
In the first two videos, Marshall explains the approach and philosophy of NVC. He explains how most of us communicate about “who’s right” and “who’s wrong” and the accepted belief that the person who is “wrong” deserves punishment rather than understanding and empathy.
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.1
with Marshall Rosenberg
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.2
with Marshall Rosenberg
The next two videos get into the actual practice – how to communicate to others about their behaviors that upset us. Marshall gives real-life examples. In Part 1.4 workshop participants practice stating Observations and Marshall coaches them to make the distinction between a true observation (simply the facts) and an interpretation (an observation with judgment added).
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.3
with Marshall Rosenberg
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.4
with Marshall Rosenberg
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication 1.5
with Marshall Rosenberg
In the final video of the first part, participants practice saying what they feel. Marshall helps them distinguish thoughts from feelings. Feelings are usually one word as in “I felt hurt” or “I felt angry.” “You made me angry” is not an expression of feelings – it’s an interpretation. Just as “I felt manipulated” or “I felt rejected” are also what you think about the other person’s behavior and not what you feel.
It’s difficult to state how we feel without blaming the other person. However, when we learn to craft judgment-free messages our relationships will be transformed.
The Nonviolent Communication Process Has Four Steps
The Process:
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Observation (the concrete action that affected your wellbeing)
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Feelings (how you feel in relation to what you observed)
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Needs (the needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our feelings)
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Request (the concrete actions you request in order to enrich your life)
The model is extraordinarily simple yet difficult without training and practice.
Learn Nonviolent Communication
When you try out the four-part message model of NVC, use the lists below for a memory jog or a reference for what you felt about the situation (step two), as well as what needs were unmet that you need to mention (step three).
The lists below can be used for reference to help you learn and use the Nonviolent Communication Model.
The content below is courtesy of the Center for Nonviolent Communication
Feelings Inventory
The following are words we use when we want to express a combination of emotional states and physical sensations.
This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
There are two lists. The first list is of feelings we may have when our needs are being met:
Feelings When Your Needs ARE Satisfied
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AFFECTIONATE ENGAGED HOPEFUL |
CONFIDENT EXCITED |
GRATEFUL INSPIRED JOYFUL EXHILARATED |
PEACEFUL REFRESHED |
This second list is of feelings we may have when our needs are not being met:
Feelings When Your Needs are NOT Satisfied
| AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried ANNOYED ANGRY AVERSION |
CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn DISCONNECTED DISQUIET |
EMBARRASSED ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious FATIGUE PAIN SAD |
TENSE anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out VULNERABLE YEARNING |
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(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041
Needs Inventory
The following list of needs is neither exhaustive nor definitive.
It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
| CONNECTION acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion intimacy love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect |
CONNECTION continued safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and be understood trust warmth
PHYSICAL WELL-BEING |
HONESTY authenticity integrity presence
PLAY PEACE AUTONOMY |
MEANING awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding |
(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041
Continue watching the NVC Workshop – start with video 2.1.
In this video Marshall teaches participants how to express Needs (step three) and how to make Requests (step four). Your needs for the four-part message will be based on your unmet needs from the situation you are communicating about. And your request(s) can be whatever you’d like to ask for…but remember it’s a request, not a demand, so the person (or group) you are communicating with may or may not choose to try to meet your request.
The Difference Between Feelings and Thoughts
This can be one of the most difficult aspects of NVC for people to grasp. That’s because in our society we often say “I feel…” and then follow that with a statement that is not a feeling but a thought. Some will argue that their thought is definitely a feeling, but to use this model effectively it’s important to learn the distinction. Once you do and have some experience communicating this way you’ll see the benefits and understand why this distinction is so important. Use the Feelings List above to help identify the exact emotions you were having.
Want to Know More About Nonviolence in General?
Learn about the Nonviolence Movement and Nonviolent Discipline.
Visit our page on Nonviolence.
